Welcome now to Dragonmaster Adventures! Here, we bring you tales of some of my more recent journeys, how I managed to survive some of them --- and things in between that you Mortals would not otherwise figure out on your own! Now, since Dragonmaster Adventures! --- and, come to that, the majority of these new Dark Chambers --- are being constructed, I must ask for your patience. When you're New York City's Unofficial Wizard, writing and re-writing are the least of your troubles!
You who know me by now are already familiar with my continuing quest to share my story with you Mortals by way of the big screen. Blackwolf the Dragonmaster's First Movie is, in essentia, divided into two parts. Part One is my backstory, presented in its entirety. Follow my odyssey as young Padraig of Abbeyleix, son of Saemus the Strong, and how I became a young, headstrong caretaker in the employ of the High King of ancient Ireland, followed by the incredible circumstances that led to the High Istari taking me and reshaping me into the Wizard you all know and love!
As for Part Two, that's your typical day-in-the-life-of-a-Dragonmaster adventure, wherein I grumble about adjusting to life in ye Byg Appyl, indulge in a little bit of comedic banter, save the world (no movie these days, I suppose, can go without some archetypal good-guy entity saving the world) --- and even embarrass meself by doing a musical number or two! Lovely, eh what?
As you know, Mortals, no movie can properly get off the ground without someone to finance it. Which is why I turn to you, street performers, Renaissance Faire personnel, foundations, individuals --- anyone who finds these Dark Chambers, and wants to check the website out. If you would like to contribute your ideas for the film, please visit our segment Reaching the Dark Chambers, and I shall be more than happy to respond. I wouldn't mind too terribly, in fact, if you e-mailed any or all of my segments to a friend! (Just remember, though, that, as was the case when I was hosted by GeoCities, so shall it be hither: namely, that a good many of this stuff will under a constant, indefinite state of construction!)
So what exactly turned you on to Ik the Troll, you ask? Well, you must blame that on Ded Bob! Believe me, when Ded Bob tells you that the Ikster is, in his words, "soooo cute --- and funny, dammit," you sure as hell better believe him! For a while, Ik's own former GeoCities site, the Ik Files, as he called them, were unaccessible; there was of old a time when the Ikster had his own little family of Iklings to support!
Well, now, Ik is again an eligible bachelor --- and we will assume that there are a few ladies for whom Trolls are indeed sexy --- and now, besides being a regular fixture at Dragon*Con in Atlanta, Ik has now joined the cast of the Tennessee Renaissance Festival, where he has once more assumed his place as the mighty, fangy, lovable King of all Trolldom! Herewith, then, my interview with Ik the Troll:
Why have ye been dorment all this time?
Well, first I had a short, 24-month long nap, which was interrupted by a Goblin Courier who had a summons for me to join the Troll Courts for an Offical Meeting ---- and, long story short, I was elected King of all the Trolls, much to mine own surprise. Didn't even nominate meself, 'twas apparently a write-in vote. Since then, I've been performing the duties of being the Troll King, regulating Autumn for Mother Nature, dealing with Bridging Issues for the Bridgeless, etc.
Have ye been busy with the novel ye were working on?
Oh, ye means the one being written about me. I was contacted by a sturdy young man long ago who wrtoe down a lot of things I'd said about my own life. He checks back with me now and again for additional details, and just to catch up for a spot of tea. He tells me that the book's trudgin' along, but to us Trolls, that's neither here nor there, in that we can write and yet we can't read!
So what can the Mortals expect from your adventures at the Tennessee Renaissance Festival?
Well, tea will be at 4 o'clock, of course --- nothing shall get in the way of that! I hope to help Humankind to better understand the nature of Nature, respect the trees, see things from beyond the narrow vision into which Humans tend to corral themselves, dance like nobody's watching --- sorry, what was the question again?
What has been your weirdest moment of the year thus far?
I had a bumper crop of ToeJam which, as of just last month, is now considered a major delicacy in France. Strange people, those French. Behold! the Power of Cheese!
Do Trolls dream of electric sheep? (One of those weirder questions, there.)
Trolls dream of memories of long ago, and of things yet to be: the waking world that be the Dream that is today. That deep enough for ya?
Where shall we next see ye, if we don't see thee at Faire, then?
I be planning to do Dragon*Con, where I hope to meet up with a few of me old friends. Other than that, it's back to cleaning out all the pollution out o' me old bridge. You Humans and your pollution! You do realize, don't you, that you always make Native Americans cry when you do that?
Tell me about life as a Troll in the Atlanta/Fulton County Region. Do people stop and stare and ask the obvious questions, which they need not do?
Actually, ye'd be surprised how I fit in around here. Being so close to Alabama, Trolls just don't stand out too much.
What do the folks at Dragon*Con think of you, and why do you want to take it over so badly?
Sssshhh!!! Takin' over Dragon*Con be a secret! I've always been popular there! All the stars wanna pose for photos with me. I even get to meet some of the silliest Humans in the world --- Soupy Sales, for instance; some of the cast members from every Star Wars movie; and I even spent 30 minutes with Margot Kidder, which was great! I just love all those movies you Humans make! As for why I wanna take over Dragon*Con, well, just blame it on the thrill that goes with me bein' King of the Trolls goin' to me head. Someone once said that with great power comes great responsibility, but the power's enough for me. I can always leave the responsibility in the fridge for later. (Hope it doesn't go too bad.)
What attracted ye to that strange, bizarre land of MySpace?
There be a few o' me Human friends there that wanted me to keep in contact with 'em. Despite the reputation of MySpace being a haven for pedophiles and psychotic teens (I have yet to actually meet one thither!), I'm also featured on City of Heroes on the Protector server, along with my horribly out-of-date website, and my CafePress site.
Will ye bae more of a ladies' Troll?
If I were any more of a ladies' Troll, I'd have to wear some sort of flea-collar device to keep them away! You do know, don't you, that AXE Body Spray is made from Troll-sweat?
What did ye think when the freaks of Lordi won the Eurovision Song Contest and became Finland's newest national heroes?
Just goes to prove how nice guys Finnish last!
Are ye into heavy metal these days?
Nah, too crunchy. Tryna cut down and slim up.
As ye may or may not have heard, I've pursued other Finnish Trolls --- Finntroll, to be more precise. Your reaction?
Well, in my absence, I understand the need to fill the void. They do rock, for true, and we Trolls know all about rocks! Waitaminnit: you pursued them? Ye've not become a Troll Hunter, have ye?
What, I wonder, do ye do at the Carolina Faire? Have ye any plans for the folks attending thither?
As a Knight of the Sidhe, I'll be attending as a Champion to one of the Avatars of the Faerie Queen. As for my other plans there, none exactly .... I just hope they have tea, though.
Last question: When in Merlin's name are ye gonna visit ye Byg Appyl?
I've already been there! I watched from a distance as Manhattan Island was purchased with some beads. But I hope to return there someday, as I hear there be the most WONDERFUL bridges! I know not when I might return to ye Byg Appyl, much less take a bite out of it whole. From what I've heard about the place, we Trolls don't stand out there too much, either.
His Royal Majesty, King Salmonella TirMongo Ablegrim Kralovesh Evdokin d'Vulgaria, Lord High Protector of the Royal Relish, Grand Overseer of the Caves of the Golden Truffles --- and certainly one of the Kansas City Renaissance Festival's most lovable Royals! Here, in its entirety, is his full backstory!
NAME GIVEN @ BIRTH: It is the same, but without all those flourishes.
NICKNAMES: Some have called me Sal, or even Mongo.
WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Pawshlee, in Vulgaria, which has now become a Royal Shrine, for some silly reason.
PRESENT RESIDENCE: Vulgaria's capital city of Khaamskee, where stands my Royal Palace. I also spend much of my time in a tiny cottage, during those days when I just feel the need to get away from it all.
AGE: 54 glorious years, even though, perhaps, I am still a mere youngling at heart.
CLASS: Royalty, that most distinguished breed of upper-class! Besides, what else would one expect from a King?
MAIN FUNCTION IN SOCIETY: Well, my main function in society is to rule as Monarch of all Vulgaria --- a rule that is often propped up by truffle exports. There are a great many responsibilities that go with being a King. Further, I am also the proud father of one son and four daughters (although, I must admit, I do have a bit of trouble keeping up with them sometimes).
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SWIM, AND HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY-DIPPING? As if there is any other way to swim!
HAVE YOU EVER MADE FUN OF PEOPLE? Only those who are less "colorful" than us. Then again, I might wish to change that answer since, after all, a lot of us are less colorful. As Royalty, we, of course, must always set a good example for all our loyal subjects. And then, beyond Vulgaria's walls, there are those who just don't bother seeing beyond the joys of such colors.
FAVORITE COLOR: Well, all colors are my favorite, really. How in the world could I pick out just one from so many delightful colors? Still, were I to make a proper choice, 'twould be green or red or orange or blue or purple or indigo or yellow .... well, doubtless you goodly gentles can see my dillema for yourselves!
HAVE YOU EVER COMMITED A CRIME, OR BEEN CONVICTED OF ONE? Well, I do have to admit that I once stole a chicken when I was still just a young Prince. Fortunately, I did not get caught, and thus was never convicted. Leopold, however, keeps telling me that, over the years, I have managed to commit at least one or two crimes of fashion.
DESCRIBE YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND(S), AND HOW YOU MET. Well, before I ever met my dearest wife, my closest friend was my childhood companion and playmate, Dabro. He lived in the hut down from our own family, so it was natural that we would always get together during our annual carp feast. Alas, we were separated as teenagers when, during a wedding banquet, the lad had far too much peeva, or ale, to drink. Before long, he'd wandered off accompanied by a comely dyevooskha (young lady). I haven't seen dear Dabro since.
1 PILLOW OR 2? Well, I only favor two pillows. You need only look at my Queen to understand why.
PETS: Ah! That would be my little puppy, Abyezyaana --- my Little Yanni, as I call him for short. He was a gift from the Court of the Empress of Madagascar. You know, I have so little time to take care of my pets, given that I have so many children to look after, too. But when I was still a young Prince, I had a dog named Fritzonella. He was a very large dog with white fur, that looked liek the curls worn by most of the ladies of the present day.
FAVORITE TYPE OF MUSIC: Oh, I love a good polka tune, though I seldom if ever dance amymore. I will say, though, that I have found myself falling in love with some of the music of your country. The Celts have a very mystical melody! And how can one not be stirred by the sounds of your bagpipes? They remind me so much of our smyearches (bagpipe-like wind instruments).
FAVORITE HOBBIES AND/OR PASTIMES: I enjoy travelling, because I feel that it is the King's responsibility to discover all the many different lands far beyond the borders of Vulgaria. And if I'm not doing that, I'm usually found buying new things for the Queen and the Princesses!
DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL HYGIENE. I bathe once a month, regardless of whether I need it or not. Of late, however, and mostly because it is good form to live by the customs of the lands in which we travel, I have been bathing more often than normal.
FAVORITE FOOD: Like many of my loyal subjects, I especially go bonkers for radishes! They seem to go with just about everything! Of course, a fine truffle sauce or beets are good. Then there's the rutabaga, and we daren't forget that gool old cured sveenya (pig meat).
ARE YOUR PARENTS ALIVE, AND IF SO, DO YOU GET ALONG WITH THEM? Considering that most of our populace is very well long-lived, I can happily say that both my parents are indeed alive and well, and having quite a jolly time ruling our Kingdom whilst we, the King and Queen, are traveling in your fair Realm. How wondrous it is knowing that were it not for the wisdom and compassion of my father, Pakrat, and my mother, Inkena, I would not have been fully molded into the humble gentleman you now see before you.
IF YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD, WHEN AND HOW DID THEY DIE? Well, as I have just now said, they are still alive, but, like myself, they expect to die in true Vulgarian fashion. Regrettably, I cannot reveal to you the full details, as they are extremely personal.
FAVORITE PLACE OF RELAXATION: Well, we have a very special garden on the grounds of our Royal Palace. I usually go there to do most of my relaxing and thinking. In addition, we've recently added a Royal Library to our Palace. I often spend my time there; and I enjoy reading things. My way of catching up with all that transpires in our Realm, don't you know! (Heh-heh!)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE HOLY DAY, AND WHY? Why, that's Troitsa, or, as you Mundaners call it, Easter. And it has always had an important degree of historical significance, ever since Christ instructed His Disciples to 'go into all the world and teach all nations.' However, Svyaatkee, which is our verson of Christmas, is a fun holiday, too, with all those gifts.
FAVORITE DRINK: I do prefer a good cup or two of chai. But nothing hits the spot, my dears, like a good swig or two of radish wine! In fact, I have several bottles of a fine 1498 vintage. Ah yes, 1498 was a most exceptional year for the radish industry in our Kingdom!
DESCRIBE YOUR BEDTIME. When I'm at home, I like staying up a little past sunset. We have a little rock which glows in the dark, and allows me to stay up even later than that! From time to time, I'll spend my nights just looking up at the stars and pretending that I'm able to see images from them.
WHAT, IF ANYTHING, DO YOU USUALLY WEAR ON YOUR FEET? At home, there's this nice little tooflya (pair of slippers) that I like to wear around the castle. But, as you can see, I reserve my elegant bateenak, or boots, for very special occasions.
MARRIED OR SINGLE? Again, I am very happily married; and should you wish to figure out why, you need only gaze upon my dear Queen!
DESCRIBE YOUR FAMILY. Well, as I have mentioned twice now, there is my beautiful wife, Her Serene Majesty, Queen Rubella Ingrid Anastasia Arugula Boratina Mozzarella d'Vulgaria --- Light of the Vulgarian Realm, Keeper of the Holy Flame, Dame of the Order of the Silver Polliwog. And then, of course, there's the light of both our lives: our beautiful and lovely daughter, Her Royal Highness, Princess Petronella Ophelia Xena de Vulgar! How can you describe her other than to say that she is a dragatsenost (lovely little child)! But, alas, I am worried as to her present state of Happiness. You see, on the night that she was to be bethrothed to His Highness, Claude, Prince of England, Claude, unfortunately, went off screaming into the night, saying that he needed to return home to counsel with his mother, Her Majesty, Elizabeth I. He hasn't returned since, and that has particularly vexed me --- and, alas, it's one of the reasons why I must now declare war upon all England, until such time as our little Petronella is happy again.
But enough of that for now, for I must now describe for you my other children, beginning with my eldest son, Prince Trichinella Richard Rutabaga Igor Castor Konstantin Jaroslav d'Vulgaria, Lord High Protector of the Royal Pickle, whom many have described as my spitting image (although I seldom spit!). One year later, Decibella Zasha Millicent Louise Cyzarine Pinklen Rutabaga d'Vulgar joined our Family. She's my little Pinklen; and you'll have to ask her yourself why I call her that. What can I tell you about her that you cannot see with your own eyes? She's the peacemaker of the family, and, as such, has a rarely seen passion for life. She handles difficult situations whenever she and her other sisters end up fighting. Then, there's our other daughter, Scarabella Carlotta Alopecia Rutabaga Acacia Bedelia d'Vulgar, whom we named after the beautiful scarab beetles we saw while we were traveling through Egypt. Alas, while I do love her so much, she remains quite a challenge. You see, there are days when I feel that I have failed her, for we had far too many European visitors to our Court when she was young; and now, she believes that their drab wardrobes have given her Happiness! I fear, then, that she is destined never to find a good husband if she is to dress so plainly.
FAVORITE TYPE OF ENTERTAINMENT: Singing! Ha-ha! The whole Royal Family sings, as a matter of fact. Tricky has his moments, of course, but he does try very hard.
WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP, WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE CHORE OR SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? We had a very special school in the small village where I grew up. We mostly studied practical manners, though. I did, however, enjoy llearning how to hunt wild alyen (deer) for even the most special meals.
AND WHAT WAS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CHORE OR SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? I never really liked milking the kazaa (cow). I think that part of the problem I'd had with that was that I hated the idea of having to get up very early in the morning!
FAVORITE SPORT TO TAKE PART IN: We loved making a ball out of the bladder of a sveenya, which we then allowed to dry and toughen. After that, we'd take turns running around with it and throwing it whilst the other team tried to take it from us.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Sveenya tossing! I even like seeing Rubella and the children running around. At the very least, that's a sport that I have long considered to be worth watching!
MOST HUMILIATING MOMENT: Well, while we were playing our game with the sveenya, Dabro attempted to get it from me, and that's when my bryookee (pants) fell off in front of all the girls!
PROUDEST MOMENT: One would think that the proudest moment of my entire life was the very morning of my Coronation. But my two proudest moments are the day I married my Queen, and the days that each of our children were born. I know that it might seem trite to one such as yourself, but you need but to look upon them all to understand in full why they all make me very proud all the time!
WHO'S THE CRAZIEST OR SILLIEST PERSON YOU KNOW? Besides myself, I would have to say my Uncle Inyets. He does an imitation of an enndyook that simply must be seen to be properly understood. In fact, if I can in the end resolve this war with England, I simply must bring him back there and have him meet Queen Elizabeth. He is, after all, my Minister of War. Then again, he's always been a battler, and has therefore come to deed that title unto himself.
DESCRIBE WHAT YOU LOOK FOR IN TERMS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. Other than a wonderful smile and two beautiful eyes within which one can lose oneself, I would say that I seek a lady with great child-bearing hips.
IN OUR HIERARCHICAL SOCIETY, EVERY PERSON HAS SOMEONE WHO IS 'OVER' THEM. DESCRIBE YOUR IMMEDIATE 'OVERLORD.' I, good sir, would answer only to the Holy Trinity.
DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS ABOUT THAT ENTITY. How can you not rever your Lord and Maker, the Creator of All!
DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS! Well, out of self-preservation, I shan't divulge her name; I will say, however, that we'd gone out hunting for wild byelka (boar), and there was just something about the way that she belched that made me look at her in a whole new light. It was a rather clumsy first attempt, but, as time wore on, we practiced quite a lot and wound up getting pretty good at it!
DO YOU EVER KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? To my knowledge, there have not been many than have moved out of Pawshlee. There are times when I've been known to have made the journey back there, but, alas, it is just not the same anymore as it was when I was growing up. I seem to have gained more important and even greater responsibilities, whereas most of my friends from my childhood and young-manhood have seemed to have grown apart.....
FAVORITE VACATION SPOT: Ah! Who in the world could not wish to vacation at the mud-baths outside of Cluj-napoca, in Romania.
HAVE YOU EVER TRAVELLED OVERSEAS? Well, since the recent discovery of the Golden Truffles, I've spent a great deal of time travelling across both seas and lands! I've looked around and explored many, many wonders; and accordingly, I hope to continue exploring them along with my dear wife and children.
DIRT FLOORS, MUD FLOORS OR STONE FLOORS? We have stone floors in our Palace. But my little cottage also has mud floors. Even during the various dry spells, I always make sure that the dirt is very well watered.
WHAT'S YOUR BED MADE OF? It is made of only the finest khlawpak (wool), and filled with the most comfortable kooreetsa (goose) down. And of course, it is also filled with all the love my Royal Family can give!
HOW MANY PEOPLE SLEEP THERE? Only my Queen and I --- except, of course, on rainy nights, when the children tend to drfit in. Actually, rush in would be a far more descriptive term. But, to make things a little less frightening for my children, we often sing to each other about all our favorite things.
FINALLY, WHAT ARE THE 10 THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU?
Well, before I answer that, let me tell you that after much consideration, I shall indeed declare war upon all England as a result of the slight done unot my dearest little Petronella. So, I have brought my fiercest and boldest warriors with me to try to do battle with England's finest Kinghts. Doubtless that once all of these things are revealed, my demands shall be met, and England will capitulate. Now then:
1. Now, don't go spreading this around, but I used to sing quite a lot. I guess now most everyone knows that in fact I do sing.
2. I do try to keep up with the latest in modern technology. Why, we recently installed some of the newest candles made that can burn cleaner than most comon candles.
3. Would you believe that there are some people who actually think they've seen me fart the Vulgarian National Anthem? I'll have to admit that I've been known to do that after guzzling down a good swig or two of radish wine.
4. I want my loyal subjects to know that I am a man who has always believed that we will be treated just as we treat others.
5. And that I am doing all my best to try to improve life in my Kingdom. 'Twas Martin the Maestro, whom I met many years ago, who often reminds me of this. He and his family have taught me so much about England. Indeed, he is so like a brother unto me that, a few years ago, I proclaimed that we were indeed brothers! Having subsequently researched this, I can say we've had several ancestors in common during our respective pasts. Apparently, my own great-great-great-great-great-grandfather and Martin's great-great-great-great-great-grandmother had had several children. Thus, the divergence within our respective families: the result, of course, being that Martin is not only my brother by decree, he is, in fact, of my blood.
6. Despite the fact that I am 54 years of age, there remain one or two people who believe that indeed I am much younger than that.
7. I am very proud of telling people that I am in fact 54 years of age because in my heart I like to think that I will always be younger.
8. People should also know that I am secretly a clown, even during those time when I am supposed to be officially serious.
9. I think that it's very important that everyone learn all about my country, and about all the wonders of all the truffles that we have.
10. I think that radishes are just as important as truffles, and that they are a living religious relic. As the years roll by, I hope that everyone will learn even more about me.
Well, Your Majesty of Vulgaria, I hope that everyone had a chancce to properly learn about you and your Royal Family. My thanks, then, not only to Your Majesty himself, but also to your Mortal-born friends, Tim Hunt, Terri Smith and Jessica Greenwood, who proudly served as the 2008 Vulgarian Royal Court at the Kansas City Renaissance Festival. I'm sure that Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn had a merry time showing you folks around --- for, as ol' Blackwolf always says: "The most magical moment in any Royal's life is when he and/or she chooses to make friends with another." Something worth pondering and appreciating during these short Solstice months. Long live Vulgaria! Huzzah! and hurrah!
Something magical always manages to manifest itself when Springtime rolls around, especially, in that magical little Kingdom known as Waxahchie, Texas! Here, on some 167 acres, 35 of them comprising the village itself, stands a unique tradition which has enchanted and inspired Faire fans of so many generations since its founding in 1981.
This, then, is the Scarborough Renaissance Festival!
Now, I'm sure you're wondering what it is that makes Scarby so special. Well, I would answer that particular question by introducing you to Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, a/k/a Richard Patterson and Shannon Hopps --- the longest-reigning Renaissance Faire King and Queen in America! They reign over a Kingdom of more than 2000 performers, artisans, food servicers, ground crew and retailers, where 21 stages come alive with the sights, sounds, and silliness of over 200 performances each day. Surrounding these music-makers, sword-wielders, and the Royal Court are 200 permanent shoppes where unique, handmade, one-of-a-kind items of every size, shape and description are presented by skilled artisans assembled from all 50 States!
From candlemaking to glassblowing, from blacksmithing to leather-crafting, from minting coins of the Realm to forging armor for the boldest of Knights --- Scarby's vast lineup of artisans is, to say the least, intense!
And food? Ah! No belly has left Scarby's grounds without having feasted on the Festival's legendary Giant Turkey Legs. Over 20 tons of them have been munched on each year during the course of the 8-weekend season. By Merlin's beard, that's a whole lotta burping and belching, say I! (Belch!) And the Turkey Legs are just the beginning. There are more than 60 hearty non-traditional foods --- handmade pasta, seafood, stir fry, steak-on-a-stick, etoufee, fajitas, meatball sandwiches, baklava, quiche --- you name it, your tastebuds will be quite challenged, I promise you! And there are five kitchens and seven pubs and taverns to enjoy it all in. Doubtless, when it comes to food at Scarborough, the very word "Yum!" merely scratches the surface!
But what is it that brings some 200,000 Mortals to this particular Faire each year? The people, of course! And as I said, it all starts with Their Majesties, the King and Queen! Herewith, their stories:
RICHARD PATTERSON has spent practically 25 years portraying the Tudor Dynasty's beloved and glorious Byg Kaehunae, having earned double nominations as Best Returning Character, and two awards as Scarby's "Character of the Day." This burly, lovable Memphis, Tennessee native now calls Dallas home; his wife Susan is also a member of Scarby's usual cast, portraying Grand Duchess Sabine of Wuerttemburg. Beginning his career as news director for WQOX-FM in Memphis, Richard went on to spend the next decade in electronics. Moving to performance, Richard then spent the next few years portraying various characters from Court Jester to Master of the Lists to Town Sheriff to Innkeeper.
As His Majesty King Henry VIII, Richard Patterson has consistently welcomed loyal fans to Waxahachie, where he continues to give his fans a glorious taste of the Tudor world that was bold, exciting, and quite unstoppable!
SHANNON HOPPS has been Queen Anne Boleyn for some 20 years, too. Scarby 1998 saw her capture both Character of the Day and Best Returning Character awards, winning the latter award three consecutive years running! Surprisingly, Anne Boleyn is only the second role that Shannon has ever portrayed at Scarby. "I was a shrew my first year," she recalled in 1999, "the lowest rank in the Court's pecking order. The next season, I was the highest ... and I still get a little shrewish sometimes!"
Currently co-Admnistrator of Scarby's Resident Performance Company, Shannon is also a veteran of the Dallas County Fire Department, holds a Bachelor of Arts degree from Dallas Baptist University, and in her time away from the Kingdom has taken some very lovely photos! Her husband Allan portrays that mightiest of beast-slayers, the powerful Lord Magnus Krane (Lord Magnus is also the Scarborough Academy's Chief Character Instructor)! When he's not busy bashing the heads of beasts (humanoid and/or otherwise), Lord Magnus co-runs and co-hosts Scarby's third major addition, the Mystical Monster Museum.
Oh, and I don't dare forget the dearest lady who granted your humble Dragonmaster the rank of Duke of Talisker in the first place: that's Her Majesty, Margaret, Queen of Scotland and the Isles! Janna Casstevens-Lewis is Scarby's Entertainment Director. She runs the over 150-strong, all-volunteer cast of street performers. She has always inspired me through the years with her wonderful e-mails; despite that the fact that said e-mails are sometimes short (she's so remarkably busy, that's why!), I continue to be encouraged each time she commands that I rock on! Huzzah!
But the lands populated by Scarby don't stay silent after Faire season ends --- for when October looms, the grounds are transformed into SCREAMS, the World's Largest Halloween Theme Park, and the facts and figures here will, dare I say it, shock you:
Attended by some 60,000 .... well, screaming fans each year, the Park's centerpiece is the nasty Castle of Darkness, encompassing some 6000 square feet. It takes 23.6 thousand feet of cable, 2874 lights, over 5000 person hours of preparation, 182 speakers, 60 MP3 players, and six DVD players to make SCREAMS run --- and it's all brought to you by a cast of over 350 performers, food experts, vendors and ground crew that have frightened the living daylights out of its visitors since its founding in 1996, when it was developed to compliment that year's Scarborough Festival.
Southwest Festivals, Inc., the privately-held company that controls both Scarby and SCREAMS, has belonged to the same two Dallas-based families, the Korshes and the Holeyfields, who have run the property since they first cast open the gates in 1981. At the tender age of 28, that would make the company one of the oldest-existing companies of its kind anywhere in the world.
The 2010 Scarborough Renaissance Festival happens Saturdays, Sundays and Memorial Day Monday, April 10th through May 31st, from 10 am to 7 pm (CST). Dare ye wish to contact Their Majesties? Fear not! The King and Queen are but as far away as Post Office Box 538, Waxahachie, TX 75168; those who wouldst dare buzz the Palace may do so at 1-972/938-3247 (for you that wield a fax, that would be 1-972/938-1890); or simply make thy move at 1-888-533-7848. E-mailers, you are encouraged to leave thy thoughts at info@scarboroughrenfest.com. Well, enough of my toasting King Henry and Queen Anne. All that remains now is to wish them a continued happy reign, and may they long inspire yet another generation of Junior Lords and Ladies of England! Huzzah!
Once upon a time, George Coulam had a dream: to bring together the finest Renaissance Performers from all over the world to a tiny little Texas village named Plantersville, near the region of Dallas/Fort Worth. And now, by Merlin's beard, see you how quickly that dream has been fulfilled!
Believe me, folks: when you want Renaissance Faire done big, done brash, and done Texas --- you need the Texas Renaissance Festival! Not a day goes by, dearests, without Plantersville's website, texrenfest.com, continuing to surprise your humble Dragonmaster with every passing day!
But the Texas Renaissance Festival is much, much more than even that! King Henry VIII and Queen Catherine of Aragon make a lively, merry twosome; and their human doppelgangers, Greg Taylor and Rosella Gonzalez, portray Their Majesties with a witty and charming sense of decorum --- one that is certainly worthy of Renaissance Festival King and Queen! And the world beyond Plantersville extends far beyond ..... so much so, in fact, that the Festival even boasts that it has its very own Father Christmas in residence (TRF is, in fact, the only Renaissance Festival capable of such an opportunity); and even more, the facility has its own village, the Town of Todd Mission, also founded by George Coulam, who even serves double-duty as its Mayor.
As the nation's largest Renaissance Festival theme park, Plantersville's mammoth 55 acres are packed with practically tons of costumed performers --- musicians, historical re-enactors, guildfolk, and just about anyone else who has the guts to arrive in full and elegant costumed splendor. Each day through the eight weekends of the Festival, some 200 live performances are intertwined with the services of more than 400 shoppes, employing all sorts of merchants of every known description ... and delighting mere Mortals with foods and beverages that are perfect for all tastes of all ages!
The 35th Anniversary Texas Renaissance Festival at Plantersville kicks off the weekend of October 10th and 11th, with its traditional Oktoberfest; and wraps up on Thanksgiving Weekend, November 27th, 28th and 29th, with the Celtic Christmas and A Visit with Father Christmas. Wouldst thou learn more? 21778 FM 1774, Plantersville, Texas 77363; 1-281/356-2178 or 1-936/894-2516 (phone); 1-936/894-2391 (fax); 1-800-458-3435 (toll-free); TRFinfo@texrenfest.com and George@texrenfest.com !
From time to time, if there's something here that I consider to be so deliciously fabulous, you'll want to tell others about it, you'll find it here!
And here's our first Special Treat in these new Dark Chambers:
King Edward and Queen Isabella!
The Kansas City Renaissance Festival's 2009 Royals want you goodly gentles to know a few things about Their Royal Personages; which is why your Dragonmaster wanted them to have the spotlight!
NAME GIVEN AT BIRTH: He's Edward Jeremiah Plantaganet of the Royal House of Warwick. She's Isabella Maria, Princessa de Castile.
HOMETOWN/BIRTHPLACE: Edward was born at Beaumaris Castle, on the eastern edge of Anglesey, in northern Wales; Isabella, meanwhile, hails from Burgos in Spain.
NICKNAMES: Isabella often refers to her man as amorcito (my love) or corino (sweetheart) or corazoncito (my heart); she herself likes to be known as simply Bell.
CURRENT RESIDENCES: Their Majesties rule their beloved England from London's Whitehall Palace, where, on a given afternoon, you might find them enjoying some Royal Quality Time in their Throne Room. If you can't find them at Whitehall, you can meet them every summer at Conway Castle, near the Combined Villages of Conwy, Aberconwy and Colwyn, in the northern region of Wales. In addition, the Royals continue to maintain a presence at His Majesty's birthplace, the aforementioned Beaumaris Castle.
AGE: They're both 36 years old.
CLASS: Edward and Isabella are both practically newcomers to this Royalty business, having been crowned King and Queen in early August of 1547.
MAIN FUNCTION IN LIFE: King Edward says, "Before I was King, I was Earl of Warwick. In that function, I did oversee the happenings and goings-on of my appointed providence, as well as trying to raise the status of my family. Once I took over as King after the passing of Henry VIII, I dedicated myself to maintaining the continued progress and growth of our beloved England. You'll usually see me spending my time finding ways to surprise my Queen to show her how lucky I am to have her in my life. And what's more, I love to educate my children --- particularly my sons. They enjoy my lessons in the fine art of becoming a noble gentleman, and accompanying me on several occasional --- dare I say, excellent adventures."
For Isabella, her priority involves assisting her husband, and teaching their daughters to become great mothers and wives; as well as organizing the Royal Household's day-to-day functions, including inventory of food, linen, animals, servants, etc.
EVER GONE SKINNY-DIPPING? Their Majesties often did it when they were younger; since then, swimming has become the Royal Family's #1 thing to do in the water (other than bathtime, of course!). Favorite swimming hole: the moat at Conway Castle!
EVER MADE FUN OF PEOPLE? "Never," says Her Majesty, "for people must always be loved and nurtured." The King, however, will tell you that, as Earl, his primary mission was to engage in conversations regarding a person's status --- a mission which he has extended since assuming the Throne. "These are not to poke fun at," His Majesty warns, "but to allow individuals to know of the offence that they are making. However, I still love to partake of a battle of wit where no harm is intended."
FAVORITE COLOR: Edward likes green and purple, green being the color of his eyes. He will, however, admit to not having publicly worn purple too often, in light of the fact that Henry VIII wore purple robes constantly. Edward was, truth be told, fearful of outshining his regal predecessor, but now that it is he that sits upon England's Throne, he can enjoy the splendor of wearing purple anytime! As for Isabella, she too is into things that are green, emerald jewelry especially.
HAVE YOU EVER COMMITTED OR BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME? "Never!" retorts the Queen. "Being raised as both a lady and a Princess, I have never wanted for anything!" "My countrymen would never be able to trust me and my rule," adds His Majesty, "were I ever to do such a thing."
DESCRIBE YOUR BEST FRIENDS: King Edward has two of them --- first, Lord Gilford, one of his old pals from those days in study at the University. "He always attended many lectures and debates with me, and always outsmarted me in the end. And he is quite a genius with languages, too, which is why he is now my top Advisor. Then there's Lord Peter. We were playmates as children; I am sure that, if one did not know better when we were younger, one might regard us both as brothers. Despite the fact that we lost contact when I went to the University, it did not take long ere we reunited. And when he found out that I was to become King, he immediately offered his services as my Chamberlain, which I happily accepted."
Queen Isabella hasn't yet completely gotten to know her Ladies-in-Waiting; but she has fond memories of her older sister Caramina: "She was, for all senses of the word, like my mother, for she helped to raise me in the time when I was away from home, being as I was the youngest of her daughters. Even today, her advice remains sound, and her love eternal," recalls Her Majesty. "Another of my friends is my older brother, Francisco, whose presence I can feel even when he's not around me. But I would have to say that of all my many friends, no one compares to my dear husband. Edward has been the greatest love of my life, and it is such a privilege that God has seen fit to grant me the chance to have known my husband and King all my life."
ONE PILLOW OR TWO? "I have many pillows made of the finest goose down," King Edward explains. "They are covered in the finest of silk fabrics from the Far East. For me, these are the softest pillows in the land. It is as though one were laying one's head upon a cloud." Queen Isabella prefers goose-feather pillows, not to mention the loving arms of her husband.
PETS: Lots! Start with the Royal Steeds, the strongest of them being their leader, Icarus, a pure-breed Arabian horse; and the Queen's mare, beautiful, fair-maned Butterfly. As for the Royal Doggies, King Edward has two pure-breed wolfhounds, Prometheus, his most trusted hunting dog, and his mate Penelope; Queen Isabella, on the other hand, loves to snuggle with her faithful Pomeranian, Kya. The Royal Kids have their own pets, too.
FAVORITE TYPE OF MUSIC: Music has always played a major role in Their Majesties' lives. The Family can therefore be seen from time to time, singing some of theiir most beloved songs. But as far as King Edward is concerned, nothing compares to the sound of the hammered dulcimer. But when you bring together a dulcimer and a violin, His Majesty smiles, the sound is the equivalent of Heaven on Earth! "The smooth strokes of the bow across the strings and the strike of the hammer against the dulcimer is mesmerizing to watch," says the King. "Together, they create a musical sound that can both sooth my mind and ease the troubled soul. Currently, a favorite song of mine is Donald, Where's Your Trousers? --- and though it's usually sung in a rather fast tempo, I tend to prefer that it be sung much slower. It is such a wonderful song, with a very memorable chorus."
HOBBIES/PASTIMES: The King prefers swimming, hunting, horseback riding, and attending debates and lectures over at the University. The Queen loves to bury her nose in the pages of a book; sometimes Her Majesty will sneak off to the Royal Kitchens to prepare some very special treats for the whole Royal Family.
PERSONAL HYGIENE: The King and Queen bathe zealously; if one is to achieve the greatness of being a true Royal Person, one must smell good as well as look good!
FAVORITE FOOD: Edward loves lamb shanks with apple chutney spread all over it, with the freshest vegetables in the land surrounding it. And if you really want to make the King's belly happy, you better have some really fresh fruit pie in that picnic basket or you gonna be in big trouble! Isabella, meanwhile, prefers roast chicken with leeks and onions, followed by sugared pecans.
ARE YOUR PARENTS ALIVE, AND DO YOU GET ALONG WITH THEM? Edward and Isabella's parents are deceased, alas. While the parents of Edward lived, he loved them truly. He devoted his studies to the task of upholding the honor of his mother and father, making every effort not to dishonor their good name. "If only they could see their dear son now," reflects His Majesty, brushing away a tear, "and how I have changed our family's history forever." Isabella never really got to be around her parents, as she, Caramina and Francesco had dwelt in England since Isabella was around 5 years old. "But I still loved them well," she says.
IF YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD, HOW DID THEY DIE? "My father, Henry, Earl of Warwick, was the first of our line to pass on," recalls King Edward. "It was 1538 when he died of what they believe was heart failure. He was 43 years old. Two years later, before my youngest daughter was born, my mother, Lady Lucinda, passed on as well. She was 45 years old, and had suffered from 'the sweats.' To me, my dear mother's death occured because she had loved her husband, my father, and was brokenhearted by his loss. Only by their reunion in Heaven could that heart be mended."
Her Majesty's father, Lord Maximillian, passed on some five years before Isabella became Queen. "He was on the hunt when he fell from his horse and struck his head upon a large rock," the Queen explains. "He took sick with a fever, and he remained docent for several more days, only to die of his injuries. As for my mother Abella, she conceived a daughter after I myself had been born; sadly, neither she nor the child survived."
FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX: "When we are at Conway Castle, there is a small island in the middle of a lake near the property," says the King. "It is a truly secluded place, covered by thick grass and blessed with the presence of several trees. I'll often do my swimming there, and maybe just stretch out across the grass underneath those trees as I look up towards the sky. Most of the time, I'll visit the island at night to just stare at the stars. It is a place where I can truly grant my mind the desires of both rest and escape." When in the company of his wife, however, their time together is mostly devoted to lying beneath the sunny shade of a tree, where they'll either read, chat or discuss the events of the day.
FAVORITE HOLY DAY: For King Edward, the wonders of Yuletime are always special! Each Yuletide season, His Majesty enjoys waking up on Christmas Day morning and personally waking up the entire Royal Family. They then proceed to Edward's private chambers, where one special gift awaits each of them. Sitting on the King's bed, Their Majesties watch as the Royal Kids open their gifts. Afterward, dressed in their finest clothes, the entire family attends Mass; and later on in the evening, there is always the annual Yuletide Ball to look forward to! And then, there's the King's next favorite Holy Day, the annual Harvest Festival. And this year's is truly a special occasion, because all the Royal Kids will join their parents!
Queen Isabella, on the other hand, is more of a springtime sort of person, as her favorite Holy Day is May Day! "The celebrations of dancing and colors that adorn all the streets are so spectacular," she says, "and the music that plays all day long never fails to put a smile into my heart."
FAVORITE BEVERAGE: He loves to guzzle down some hot apple cider; she loves drinking warm spiced mulled wine each winter and honey mead each summer.
BEDTIME: "Once I've made sure that all our children are safe in their beds," says the Queen, "I retire to our chambers to prepare for our own bedtime. Sometimes, however, I have had to retrieve Edward from his desk and lure him to bed!" His Majesty admits as much, never retiring until he has felt that indeed his day's tasks are completed. "For the most part," says he, "it is usually toward the early morn when my head finally falls upon my pillows."
MARRIED OR SINGLE? Their Majesties have spent 21 of the happiest years of their lives together. Doubtless, they wouldn't trade that happiness for all the gold on this good, green, glorious earth!
DESCRIBE YOUR FAMILY:
Prince Richard: "He is bright and handsome," says Dad. "I've gone to great lengths to seeking out the best bride for him. There are, I must admit, times when I feel that somehow, he's keeping something from me." Mom calls the young heir to the Throne "the mysterious one. I never know what drives his desires and pastimes."
Princess Catherine: Dad: "Mischievous!" Mom: "Precocious and a little mischievous."
Princess Jane: Dad: "Very much like her mother. I know that she would make her future husband very happy; and, like her mother, would do anything for him." Mom: "My little bookworm! Like me, she enjoys reading and spending time in quiet places."
Princess Anne: Dad: "She loves to play with her father and brothers. She has a hard time accepting the idea of being a lady when she would rather be riding, wrestling, swimming and so forth." Mom: "Anything that is not lady-like she loves, and I do try to ignore that."
Prince John: "He is me, through and through," laughs Dad. "Having taken up all my hobbies, actions and skill sets, he has told me that he wishes to be exactly like his father!" Mom: "Just like his father --- strong of spirit, warm in heart."
Princess Margaret and Princess Mary: Dad: "My twin daughters! They are alike in looks, yet they are as different as different can be. While Mary loves to read, Margaret likes to play with her dogs and her horse." Mom: "Despite the fact that they are twins, they are so very different."
Princess Lucille: Dad: "The jewel of my eye! Her energy and curiosity is my favorite part about her. She's never without something to say, and that's what will make her the hardest of my daughters to let go of when she grows older." Mom: "The energy that she has for life and adventure will certainly be more than enough to power even DaVinci's next invention!"
THEIR MAJESTIES' EXTENDED FAMILY:
Princess Elizabeth, Dowager Queen of France: Proper in every way, King Edward's oldest sister knows what's happening at Court, including whom to look out for, and what to watch. "When I want to know about someone's character, then Elizabeth is the one from whom I take any advice."
Sir Eric: The King's youngest brother is the one His Majesty always got to pick on. "My favorite game to play with him," he explains, "is a battle of wit, because I know that he's not very good at it."
Charles, King of Spain: "After my father died," says the Queen, "he became King of Spain."
Princess Caramina: She has been Isabella's mother, nanny, and confidant all rolled into one since the family arrived in England, some 5 years before.
Princess Joanna and Prince Francesco: "Joanna is married to an Earl in Denmark," says the Queen, "and like Caramina, Francesco has lived with us since we arrived. Edward's family has promised us that they would find him a good match .... and they are still trying today!"
FAVORITE ENTERTAINMENT: The King and Prince Richard are hopelessly devoted to chess. "Richard has beaten me a few times, but I think he was cheating. During those games, you see, his mother was distracting me with questions I know we could have answered at a later time," comments Edward, who also enjoys playing card games with the Queen. These will often last onward into the wee hours of the dawn. Masquerades and full-costumed plays are always in fashion at Court, which explains why, as part of this year's proceedings, two significant playwrights have accepted the Royal Invitation to attend the Progress at Canterbury. "I am very excited to learn what sort of play will be performed at the end of this year's Harvest Festival," says the King.
Speaking of Masquerades, the Queen recalls one especially silly performance, one of many the Royal Kids will usually stage for their parents. In this particular Masquerade, says the Queen, Catherine had taken the role of Athena and John, the role of Poseidon. "By the time it was finished," laughs Her Majesty, "John had spewed water all over Catherine's gown!"
MOST FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT AND/OR CHORE GROWING UP: For King Edward, it was Mathematics; for Queen Isabella, sewing. King Edward on Mathematics: "Being a universal language understood in every land and culture, Mathematics is always clear in terms of all its processes and rules to reach certain solutions, yet one can achieve the same sort of solution through many means whereby each way can offer up a different sort of perspective." Queen Isabella on Sewing: "I have found that I have this rather natural gift for small stitches."
LEAST FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT AND/OR CHORE GROWING UP: Both Monarchs were never really fond of Languages --- and Isabella was not especially a fan of Latin! "I know how important it is to learn languages," says the King, "for my father was forever playing host to various foreign dignitaries every so often. He knew how to speak at least five languages fluently, whereas I, frankly, was never one to get quite through the French language." For her part, the Queen considered Latin to be both difficult and tedious.
FAVORITE SPORT: King Edward has become a fan of a new sport, just invented in Italy, and called in that country Billiards. "It is quite an interesting sport. It is played with a mallet and balls. The object of the game is to get the ball from one pole to the other and back again," His Majesty explains. "There are other balls which you can use to your advantage to better your position. Billiards is indeed the most fascinating of sports, and I look forward to introducing it further into all of England." Queen Isabella, meanwhile, enjoys playing boules, as it allows her to spend more time in the Royal Gardens.
PROUDEST MOMENT: The birth of Prince Richard. King Edward: "When I first learned that I was about to have a son, I quickly rushed to my loving wife's chambers .... and there, waiting for me, was my dear Queen. Richard was in her arms, wrapped in swaddling; and Isabella's face was covered in sweat and tears. When I rushed to her bed, Iseized a wet cloth to wipe her face. Then I kissed her forehead while she angled the lad to my direction. I picked the child up, I looked at her, and I shouted: 'I have a son! I HAVE A SON!' And I held him so close to my body." Queen Isabella: "Edward and I had been married for barely two years, and we had not yet conceived a child. I felt as though God had chosen to punish us for some sin we could not imagine. But by that late winter, when I knew that I would finally be with child, .... oh, how glorious was the look in Edward's eyes when he first gazed at Richard! It is a moment that has seared pride in my heart until my dying day ... and yet that would not be the last time my husband would gaze with love and joy upon a little face that he could call his very own."
SILLIEST PERSON: When it comes to silly, the King and Queen need look no further than their very own youngest daughter, Lucy! "Her pure energy and wit have made her curious about everything that surrounds her," says Edward. "She's never afraid to speak her mind or to ask a question, and not a day has gone by without a conversation where she has caught me completely off guard. What's more, she knows that her father would do anything for her, and always uses that to her advantage." "Everything and everyone is a playground where Lucy is concerned," giggles Isabella.
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR WHEN IT COMES TO THE OPPOSITE SEX? "Kindness, loyalty, and one who can break my heart each time he leaves the room." "She is all that I ask for, all that I live for. There is no other that could take her place in my heart." 21 years of being royally happy together can do that to you, I suppose.
IMMEDIATE OVERLORD: "Our Lord and Saviour, God," says King Edward, "into Whom I very much put all my faith and love with all my heart." For Queen Isabella, only one immediate overlord will do --- namely, her husband and hero! "Words cannot describe the love and pride I hold for him," she says.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Like all Royal People, Their Majesties do, for all intents and purposes, love to get their joust on! "The most noblest of sports," says the King: "mano a mano, the one who can out-think and out perform his opponent. It's very much like wrestling, especially in terms of both brawn and strategy." "When Edward was Earl of Warwick, he used to compete in the joust when we visited the King," remembers Isabella. "Seeing him astride his mighty stallion, dressed in all his finest armor --- oh, how he rode so well."
DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS: Make that their first kiss together. One night in late July, at Conway Castle, Edward and Isabella decided to sneak out to Edward's little island for a bit of an evening swim. Yes, they went skinny-dipping, of course. The rest, methinks, ye'd best imagine on your own.
EVER STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? "Oh, yes I do," says King Edward. "I would be nothing without the many friends I have made during my years at the University. It is these individuals around whom I surround myself, and look to for advice and counsel. They are the ones to whom I can listen, and not pass any judgment upon my decisions, for they know precisely where I come from!" Queen Isabella, meawhile, maintains close contact with Caramina and Francesca.
FAVORITE GETAWAY PLACE: Conway Castle, of course, because it's Their Majesties' summer home. There's plenty of water to swim and bathe in, the estate itself is quite elegant ... and Edward and Isabella have been known to sneak away from the occasional Royal Feast for another night of passionate skinny-dipping. (Are these Royals crazy about each other, or what?)
OVERSEAS JOURNEYS: "When I was Earl of Warwick, there were many trips on which I accompanied my father," says King Edward. "He was determined that I learn about every history and culture of every town and province we would visit or cross through. And many of those journeys were taken at the request of the King. But now that I am King, I know my present duties will see me venturing off to meet with new foreign dignitaries, and to discover new histories and cultures ..... just like dear old Dad! (Heh-heh!)" Meanwhile, Queen Isabella has returned several times to her beloved Spain.
DIRT, MUD FLOORS OR STONE? Stone floors for all the Royal Residences.
DESCRIBE YOUR BEDCHAMBERS: "The finest of silk fabrics, like my pillows from the Far East," says the King. "The bedding itself is made of the finest goose down, like my pillows. It is truly the most comfortable piece of furniture that I own." The bed where Their Majesties sleep is made of fine English redwood frame with a goose-down mattress. But in Queen Issabella's opinion, "A King should have a bed upon which he can sleep whenever the hardships of the day weigh heavy upon him. A bedchamber should be the place for a King to let everything go, and permit him to relax."
HOW MANY PEOPLE SLEEP THERE? Well, usually, King Edward and Queen Isabella have their bed to themselves. Except on certain rather stormy nights, where somehow, things tend to get a teeny bit crowded!
KING EDWARD'S TOP 10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW:
1. "I love my family dearly, and would do anything for all my children. They all know this fact, and I have come to believe that they are all using this to their advantage as well."
2. "I am a wonderful story-teller. On certain nights, when the children's Nanny has completed the task of tucking them all into bed and has herself retired for the evening, I often enter their bedroom to tell them a few stories. A good many of these are derived from the ancient Greek and/or Roman myths. The young ones particularly enjoyed the tales from beginning to end, and learned a few very important lessons as well."
3. "Madeline, my 31st cousin once removed, has come to pay me a visit. I know very little about her, having lost touch with her side of the family. Strange, I suppose, that she should resurface at the time when I am just about prepared to officially take the Throne and become King. For her part, my sister Elizabeth is quite suspicious of Madeline, which, as I said, is why we do not speak to those from her side of the family."
4. "The Gypsies do not offend me, despite the fact that a person of my status, by tradition, usually looks down upon them. But they are of use to me, the Boleyn Gypsies especially. The Maestro and his sons now have their own place where they are free to set up their camp during those Festivals and Holy Day events that are held in my country. I also see to yi that they are well-treated in return for their exchange of certain information and/or actions that are being or will be performed."
5. "Shortly after the passing of King Henry VIII, my family sensed that death as an opportunity for the House of Warwick to assume the Throne. Either it was Henry's own sick eldest son, or it was the several other unworthy Ladies in Henry's Court. That being the case, the Warwicks did indeed seize said opportunity, fulfilling thus a rise that I have long sought to achieve since I first became Earl of Warwick."
6. "I love Masques! In fact, I myself am currently writing one, based upon the tale of the Twelve Labors of Hercules! That's one of my favorite stories from the days when as a child I studied with my tutors."
7. "Unlike most Kings of the past, I am quite close to my wife and my children. For me, my family has always been the key priority of my life. All the more reason for the importance of this year's Harvest Festival, for not only will it be the first year during which ALL of us will have traveled together to attend such a Festival, it is also the children's first trip to the Village of Canterbury."
8. "Education has long been a major inspiration to me, which is why I have spent a good many coins of the Realm for the construction of some of the finest Universities in England. Even to this day, I attend, and even deliver, various lectures and debates, many of which I have dedicated to the topic of applying the development and usage of the mathematical philosophies."
9. "My dear loyal subjects --- my People --- likewise play major roles in my life. Know, then, that if my countrymen are not happy, I, their King, am not happy. I would that they should think of me as a just, fair ruler. Even more importantly, my intent is to be a King of ALL the people, and, as such, to hear what they have to say. If, then, there is something that I can do for any of my people, my hope is that they shall let me know, that it might be properly addressed and dealt with."
10. "It was my Queen who first brought the wonder of music into my life. In my University days, alas, we never paid much attention to music as long as we remained on campus. But as soon as Isabella and I were married and then began having our children, as the years passed, she began teaching the family to sing. Before long, I too found myself joining their lessons. And now that singing has become part of my life, I am especially excited to have our entire family performing at the Harvest Festival this year!"
QUEEN ISABELLA'S TOP 10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW:
1. "Edward and I were crowned King and Queen in August of 1547, shortly after the death of Henry VIII."
2. "No one is more important in my life than my dear husbnad, our children, and our close family members."
3. "I was born as the youngest Princess in Spain, daughter of Their Majesties, Maximilian and Abella of the Royal House of Castile."
4. "I have lived in England, and have been betrothed to dear Edward, since I was five years old."
5. "We have 8 of the most beautiful and precious children in the world!"
6. "The reason I have no Spanish accent is because I was raised in England, where I would one day become that which I am now: Edward's Queen and Consort!"
7. "My three eldest daughters are being courted by visiting Princes from three different countries. I am not yet really sure about giving my dear girls up, and yet I would want them to experience all the love like that which I share with their father."
8. "As a tender-hearted and loving Queen, I share Edward's viewpoint that all our people should be happy; and that, if there is a way to fulfill that need, we should in fact strive toward that aim."
9. "This is the first time that Edward and I are bringing our children to Canterbury for the Harvest Festival."
10. "There always seems to be a song in my heart; and needless to say, there are times when, much to my family's great amusement, I have this rather silly tendency to share my passion for song a little bit too much...."
Well, gang, there you have it: King Edward and Queen Isabella, up close and personal, if thou wouldst. Cleverly disguised as the Mortals Brandon Armstrong and Portia Bowers, Their Majesties are pretty much having the time of their lives reigning over Bonner Springs --- and, by Merlin's beard, they won't be happy unless you do yourself the kindness of visiting them! Huzzah! and hurrah!
Oh, and don't forget to check back for more Special Treats!
